• Dave and Nick’s new warship.

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    British Gazette readers will probably know that the Royal Navy was hoping to receive two 65,000 ton fixed wing carriers, the Queen Elizabeth and the Prince of Wales. The British Gazette can now reveal that following William Hauge’s visit to Washington DC last week, Dave and Nick are going to purchase CVN 79 the second of the USN’s Gerald R. Ford class nuclear powered aircraft carriers due to complete in 2018 whilst they attempt to sell the one carrier under construction to India.

    Why you ask. Very simple. In order to meet EU Carbon emission limits. The CVF (HMS Queen Elizabeth) currently under construction is conventionally powered and under a new EU Emissions Directive which covers all military vehicles, military aircraft and warships the UK will have to pay a Carbon Levy to the EU on all use of such unless authorised by the United Nations on specific peace keeping actions. For warships, one month in every year – free of levy – will also be allowed for training purposes.

    As a result the Chancellor of the Exchequer has calculated that the Royal Navy will not be able to afford to use the carrier under construction. As a result, Mr. Hague passed on Dave & Nick’s proposal to Mrs. Clinton, who passed it on to President Obama who approved. This was to sell CVN 79 to the Royal Navy.

    As CVN 79 is nuclear powered there will be no Carbon Levy to pay. This of course raised the question of the carrier borne aircraft – which use fuel in prodigious quantities. Dave & Nick have managed to get around that too. The carrier is going to have a reduced complement of aircraft. CVN 79 can accommodate up to 94 aircraft. Dave & Nick plan to embark 4. These will be Westland Merlin multi purpose helicopters but modified to use bio-fuel produced from sugar cane grown in the West Indies.

    To emphasise the peaceful intentions of the new Royal Navy the flight deck is going to be covered with turf and a club house built and a small golf course laid out. This will assist in diplomatic missions.

    Finally, Dave & Nick have decided to name the new carrier, HMS Caroline Patricia Lucas – after the Green’s first MP.

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