• Invisible Men: Memoirs of an Invisible Man.

      3 comments

    The other day, I discovered something rather alarming. I and those British Gazette readers who are male are apparently invisible! At least for from the point of view of those who stock the shelves of convenience stores.

    You see, I am a typical bloke. This means that when I am watching the telly, I like to concentrate on what’s on the telly. This means that when in the car, I only put hard lock on the steering wheel as the car is moving and not stationery. It means that the car’s alloy wheels shown no evidence of ever being kerbed – for the simple reason that they haven’t been. It means that reverse parallel parking is not a problem for me. Neither is reading or orientating a road map. Speaking of maps, that brings to mind sat navs, now an omnipresent feature inside most cars. Again, I am a typical bloke in the sense that I like to set the sat nav to show North and not the direction of travel. This is of course to the enormous distress of any woman who happens to be sitting in the passenger seat as her brain just cannot cope with this.

    Of course, being a typical bloke there is a flip side to all this. You see the area of my brain (and every other bloke’s brain) that is given over to spatial awareness is in the case of the ladies, given over to “multi-tasking” – which explains my complete inability to watch TV, do the ironing, complete a crossword and have a natter with a friend on the phone – all at the same time.

    Now, being a typical bloke it will come as no surprise to you all if I tell you that the other day whilst having a shower I reached for the bottle of supermarket own brand shampoo to find that the bottle was empty. The only bottle of shampoo to hand was a bottle belonging to a certain lady. Since this was the only source of hair cleaning fluid, I applied it. The result was that for the next three to days I smelt as if I’d just been to a bawdy house! Oh Dear!

    As a result I walked up to the local convenience store (after the three days) to purchase a new bottle of unscented hair cleaning fluid. The reason for the walk and not a drive to the supermarket was that the car is at present SORNed and awaiting repair. Upon arriving at the convenience store, I found the part of the section on one of the aisles that sold hair treatments and other items “for the person.” At that point I discovered it all seemed to be for women. The shelves were full of all the things women need. So far as hair cleaning fluid was concerned, I as a man, I did not seem to exist. A friendly fellow shopper – a lady – came to my aid and pointed out a particular bottle of hair cleaning fluid that did not have a significant scent. The result? I was able to attend a meeting yesterday without raising in the minds of those others present that I was in the habit of visiting certain establishments – which of course I do not.

    This of course brings us onto the whole point of this diatribe – that stores, government and society recognise and acknowledge your existence if you are one of the so called minority groups. Of course at this point British Gazette readers will point out that women are not a minority group but actually represent the majority of the population. But this would fail to take into account the political correct thought processes that lead the powers that be to regard a majority as a minority. You see, in the mind of the politically correct, women are regarded as a group who require assistance against discrimination. This of course goes for all other perceived minorities – there is no need to list them.

    The bizarre outcome of all this is that if you are a typical bloke (especially if you belong to a particular ethnic, religious and national group) you are not catered for or thought about. It is as if you were invisible.

    • Peter, I am afraid you lost me there…..I have been wondering what a “certain establishment” smells like. I have no idea.

      I am distracted by that thought and even more so when I wondered how you would know .

      My mind easily wanders these days…ho hum, certain establishments…..

    • You might have upped your game in the eyes of those you tried not to give a wrong impression to if you had smelt as though you had visited a certain establishment!
      But I do agree about your status in this country, in fact I have believed for a long time that the only group you can descriminate against with impunity, is the white, Christian, heterosexual, married man!

    • Haven’t you been listening to the CJS? We white, Christian, heterosexual, married men are nasty bigoted racists who should be reported by … by …well anyone who is not a white, Christian, heterosexual, married man. so there!

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