• Dearly beloved…… We are gathered here in the sight of Gaia to join this transgender person to this horse…….

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    According to the ancient historian Suetonius, the Roman emperor known as Caligula (this was his nickname; it meant “little boots” and was derogatory) loved one of his horses, Incitatus, so much that he gave the steed a marble stall, an ivory manger, a jeweled collar and even a house. Another chronicler, Cassius Dio, later wrote that servants fed the animal oats mixed with gold flakes. Famous for his madness and brutality, Caligula allegedly committed incest with his sisters, fed prisoners to wild beasts and had conversations with the moon—so coddling a beloved horse might seem among the lesser of his various evils. Famously, Suetonius also wrote that it was said that Caligula planned to make Incitatus a consul, and that the horse would “invite” dignitaries to dine with him in a house outfitted with servants there to entertain such events. Contrary to popular received wisdom, Caligula did not in fact make Incitatus a consul as he as assassinated on 24th January, 41 AD on the Palatine Hill in Rome.

    Today is the day when a woman can now “marry” another woman and a man can “marry” another man. We use the term marry advisedly of course! According to the politically correct cognoscenti, when a woman takes another woman in marriage both are referred to as wives and when a man takes another man in marriage both are referred to as husbands.

    The title of this article is of course satirical, however we must point out that there are those in the Green Party who wish to endow animals with a legal personality to protect them. Whilst this will not immediately mean that a person could marry their pet, it would mean that they could bequeath them their estate in their will.

    We will not speculate further, except to say that in the past, history has taught us that when a civilisation has descended to the level of depravity this civilisation has now reached the end of it is nigh.