A recent report concerning urgent structural work on the fabric of the Palace of Westminster recommended that the quickest and cheapest option was for the MPs and Life Peers to decamp to another venue whilst the palace is closed and the work carried out. Carrying out the work whilst the politicians are still there was the slowest and most expensive option.
There will be No Prizes for any Reader correctly predicting which of these our politicians will choose!
Were however this motley crew made up mostly of fools and fraudsters were to go for the cheaper option, another venue would have to be found.
The British Gazette would recommend Her Majesty’s Theatre on Haymarket (above). The theatre has a number of features that commend it as an alternative.
Firstly, being less than a mile away, it is a fifteen minute walk from the Palace of Westminster and Portcullis House.
Secondly, the auditorium has a capacity of 1,216. This can easily accommodate the MPs and in a separate sitting the many more Life Peers.
The third and most convincing reason is the establishment’s name: Her Majesty’s Theatre!
Because this is EXACTLY what the government of this formerly sovereign land has become!
Her Majesty’s Theatre was designed by Charles J. Phipps and was constructed in 1897 for actor-manager Herbert Beerbohm Tree, who established the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art at the theatre.
We think the Prime Minister, Mr David Chameleon is deserving of an Honorary Master’s degree from RADA for his performance – in the opening stages of the EU Referendum campaign to date has been most effective.
Of course, a fine actor needs an equally fine supporting cast and in this Mr Chameleon is not lacking. The two principal actors in this drama with be Frau Doktor Merkel and Monsieur François Hollande. Of course every good comedy requires a fool, and in this regard, Mr Chameleon is again not lacking for he has a most excellent colleague to play the fool. The Unfortunate Mr Timothy James Farron – the Leader of the Liberal Democrats!
Those British Gazette readers with an interest in amateur dramatics will know that one of the most important qualities a good actor needs is to be convincing. This invariably means the actor has to fully immerse themselves in their role. In this, the Unfortunate Farron excels – chiefly because he will have immersed himself so completely in his role that he in fact is no longer acting but believes the play in which he is taking part is real!
This is because British Gazette readers know something that poor Timothy does not. That the whole performance is a massive coup de théâtre put on by the European Union acting as impresario!
This is because this whole “negotiation” is nothing more than a theatrical trick or gesture, staged for dramatic effect!
The title of today’s article refers specifically to an article that appeared in yesterday’s Sunday Times.
Act 1: Scene 1 was of course Mr Chameleon’s opening performance at Chatham House and his lettre diplomatique to Mr Tusk!
The British Gazette had hoped (against wiser counsel) that Mr Chameleon was indeed planning a “Norway Option” and therefore was deliberately misrepresenting what in fact the “Norway Option” was in order to present a nuanced version of the “Norway Option” as a “British Option” following the staged negotiations.
Tragically, this now does not appear to be the case. Instead Mr Chameleon is going to offer the electorate a “British Model.”
The “British Model” will be substantially less than the “Norway Option.”
It would be however very foolish to do as some in the Leave Campaign have done and dismiss this as trivial (Yes, Dominic Cummings – this includes you!) for make no mistake, this is anything but!
This is because something fundamental will be offered to Britain – and those other EU members states that have decided not now to join the Eurozone – as per the Treaty of Lisbon!
For the FIRST TIME since the formation of the European Coal and Steel Community in 1952 the Acquis communautaire will be limited!
Up to this time the Acquis communautaire has been the ratchet mechanism whereby small increments of sovereignty have been sliced bit by bit from the member states and put on the plate of the commission in Brussels.
We know that this is so because the EU has already decided this!!!!! The limitation of the Acquis communautaire has already been proposed!!!!! This was in the Bertelsmann/Spinelli Fundamental Law proposal of October 2013. This was suggested as a means of realigning Norway, Iceland and Switzerland, abolishing the EEA and uniting all the EFTA states under the same roof!!!!!
Mr Goodhart is a well known Europhile.
Act 1: Scene 2 therefore is where Mr Goodhart suggests that Mr Chameleon (and by extension the UK) should assume leadership of this “outer ring.”
Mr Goodhart wrote: “…..how much better to be the main shaper of Europe’s outer ring than to be its foot-dragger-in-chief. It gives dignity and historical resonance to a position that will seem to many people a middle way between fully in and fully out – appealing to the mild Euroscepticism that is the centre ground of British opinion…..”
So there you have it! Mr Chameleon’s battle tactics laid out before you!
It is quite straightforward: Mr Chameleon will present the “British Model” as the “middle way” – taking a leaf out of Tony (Consultant to Despots) Blair’s book (the book “The Middle Way to the Money” is available at a certain bookshop in the appropriately named Whitehall Estate, a northern suburb of Georgetown on Grand Cayman for 55 Swiss Francs per copy). On the one side will be Nigel Farage who according to Mr Chameleon will leave the UK isolated from it’s main market and on other side Mr Farron who will abandon all opt outs and commit the UK into ever closer union.
Mr Chameleon’s strategy will unite most of the wavering Tories with most of the Labour Party. This of course will sideline poor old Comrade Corbyn completely!
You see, Mr Chameleon and Angela Merkel share a common objective: To get re-elected!
Mrs Merkel has the unpalatable (for her) prospect of the German federal elections that are likely to be held in September 2017. Were the British electorate to vote to leave the European Union in May 2017 – the most likely date of the referendum – the result for her would be disastrous!
For Mr Chameleon of course the result (were it to go his way) for him would be very good for he will have sidelined the Labour Party, the Liberal Democrats and UKIP at one fell swoop!
The tragedy of it is thus: A golden opportunity will have been missed.
In comparison with the Norway Option”, the “British Model” will result in us paying more (contributions to the EU budget) and getting less (sovereignty). What does Mr Chameleon and his successors get in return?
A stage on which to act!
You see, the idea that the UK will be the leader of the “outer rim” of non Eurozone states will be a fallacy, an illusion that will be orchestrated by the Brussels Brainwashing Commissariat. The BBC will of course be supported by the European Commission and the other member states (most of them) for were this not to be, there would be a danger of the British People performing a mass impersonation of the soon to be incarcerated Mr Sepp Blatter shouting “Leadership? What is Leadership? We see no Leadership!”
The illusion then will have to be maintained.
We really do think that the play should not so much be a play but a plagiarism of one of Wagner’s operas! It would have as it’s principal characters:
Der Held (The Hero) played by Mr Chameleon himself!
Der Narr (The Fool) played by the Unfortunate Farron.
Der Gefährlicher mann (The Dangerous Man) played by Nigel Farage – For it is he!
Of course every opera needs villains and this would be no exception!
There will be the cold and stern matriarch played by Angela Merkel.
There will be the annoying and Naploeonesque François Hollande. Monsieur Hollande will revel in his role as he gets to be the character that the children (Conservative MPs) in the audience will enjoy booing! [We thought this was supposed to be Wagnerian opera not pantomime! - Ed]
Of course we know how the performance will end – shades of Mozart’s Die Zauberflöte (The Magic Flute) [What about Wagner! - Ed]
At the end, the principal characters will parade before the chorus singing en-mass “Hail the Conquering Hero!”
With the other words adapted from “Come, Ye Thankful People, Come!” being; Come, ye thankful people, Come! Raise the flag of Europe here!”
No doubt Mr Henry Alford who produced the hymn’s original words and Mr George Elvey the music would be turning in their graves!)
As they say on Broadway; “The show ain’t over ’till the Fat Lady sings!”