• So twisted you’d think there is a danger of them falling over themselves!


    Above, contortionist Lilia Stepanova performs at half-time during the Final Archery World Cup 2007 at Madinat Jumeirah outside Dubai, UAE on 24th November 2007.

    What is touted as the EU Referendum campaign officially commences on Friday 15th April and concludes at 10:00PM on Thursday 23rd June 2016.

    Most British Gazette readers sadly resigned themselves many moons ago to the fact that the political establishment across the European Union and the formerly sovereign United Kingdom, disliked telling the truth. Indeed such is the seeming aversion to the truth it can reasonably said that most British Europhile politicians could be diagnosed with chronic vertiaphobia (fear of the truth).

    However, continuing and ongoing analysis of their statements – and non statements – and continuing events have indicated that some new conclusions can be drawn.

    It now seems that such as the Chameleon and his sidekicks have raised their dishonesty to levels that can now cause it to be classed a high art form!

    Stout hearted and fervently patriotic members of groups such as UKIP, Vote Leave, Grassroots Out and Leave.EU are enthusiastically beginning their campaigning buoyed up by the thought that if they work long and hard enough – and many of these good people have been drawing their state pensions for over a decade – they will see the day come when the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland is restored to lawful sovereign government and Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II no longer is placed – by treasonous ministers – in breach of her Coronation Oath – to govern us according to Our Laws and Customs (no mention of the EU!)

    This is because these folks believe that they are taking part in a plebiscite which will decide whether or not the UK remains in the EU. Many will (not unreasonably) be thinking well the Chameleon has said that hasn’t he? That if we vote for Brexit we will get Brexit! Surely to goodness he can’t be lying about that!
    Err……………………….. Yes he can and Yes he appears to be doing just that!
    But then this is after all is a man who stood before his own Sovereign Lady, Holy Bible in hand and swore the Most Solemn Oath of Privy Councillor to defend Her Majesty’ sovereign prerogatives and ensure that no foreign prince, potentate or power shall have precedence in this land!

    So, to borrow a phrase from a certain Mr Donald Trump of New York, New York, “Just what the hell is going on?”

    Well Dear Reader you will recall that the British Gazette has previously described the Chameleon’s negotiations as coup de théâtre. Well it seems we were just a little wide of the mark. It now appears that we should have described it as “un grand coup de théâtre” for this is a play that now appears to have four Acts and not just two!

    British Gazette readers are well aware of the first two acts. First there was Act One: the Negotiation – where our hero (the Chameleon) goes to fight the dragons of Brussels and emerges victorious grasping a piece of paper with the lead dragon’s (Frau Merkel) signature on it. Then there was Act Two: the Referendum – where our hero (the Chameleon) regails the British people with threats of all manner of dire suffering and torment that would make a 19th Century non conformist “Hellfire and Brimstone preacher” quake and tremble!

    NB: Your Editor can speak from authority – his great grandfather was one such!

    It now appears however that there is an Act Three and an Act Four!

    These are the Second Negotiation and the Second Referendum!

    Remember, Frau Doktor Merkel is a highly intelligent lady. She is a graduate of the Central Institute for Physical Chemistry of the Academy of Sciences in Berlin-Adlershof. Her thesis was on the subject of Quantum chemistry.

    As a scientist she is by inclination and training cautious. It is clear now what has happened.

    Frau Doktor Merkel is under no illusion whatsoever about the potential seriousness of the consequences for the EU should Brexit take place. The European Union is now beset by problems – two in particular. One is the ongoing and critical Eurozone crisis with certain member states now technically bankrupt. The other is a migration crisis of biblical proportions. On their own, either of these crises would pose a major challenge to the European Union. Two at the same time threaten to overwhelm it. The modern phrase “perfect storm” appears to be appropriate.

    Presented with a possible Brexit, the British Gazette readers can see why Frau Merkel is so concerned.

    What was the beguiling mystery was the lady’s apparent reckless behaviour when she sent the Chameleon away with not so much as a fig leaf, but the stalk of a fig leaf. The poor man was forced to return home stark naked!

    At the time, this organ opined that Frau Merkel might have a gambling problem as offering so little was increasing the likelihood of the British People voting for that which she did not want: Brexit!

    It is now apparent that far from being reckless, Frau Merkel was in fact being ultra-cautious! You see, Frau Merkel did not to run the risk of sending the Chameleon away with much more than the barest of bare minimums to cover the eventuality of the British People voting for Brexit. This is because it is now clear – Messrs. Johnson and Howard have already hinted at it – of a second round of negotiations and a second referendum where substantially more will be offered.

    All things considered, we should not be at all surprised at this as the EU has form when it comes to second referendums!

    Of course there are many parties to these negotiations and Frau Merkel will have problems getting all member states agreeing to offer what she wants to offer the Chameleon’s successor, Mr Boris Johnson should he arrive in Brussels.

    So in British political terms how do we describe what is now happening?
    Well the most accurate description would be: the Conservative Party Leadership election!
    In the “Out” corner we have Mr Boris Johnson who will be elected unopposed should the British People vote for Brexit and in the “In” corner Mr George Osborne who will be elected unopposed should the British People vote to remain in the EU.

    The reason is clear: those “men in grey suits” have told the Chameleon that they will not allow him to wait until a relatively short time before the next election. They want the new man to establish a track record of his own in the run up to May 2020.

    So what will happen should the British People vote for Brexit?
    Answer: Act Three: The Blonde Bombshell (for it is He!) will sally forth to Brussels and return like Alexander the Great from the Battle of Gaugamela! Not however with the head of Darius the Persian but maybe a lesser European mortal!

    Then of course there will be Act Four: the Second Referendum whereupon the Tories now championing Brexit will all have had Damascene conversions and enthused with the zeal of the newly converted will be speaking loudly of the many and splendid wonders of the New Deal, although not we think in tongues!

    Wither the Chameleon? He may well quit his seat and take up some extravagantly paid sinecure in a pleasant location. Geneva maybe – not too far from the HSBC Bank of course! Europe looks after her own.

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