• Err……. It’s illegal!

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    Today, British Gazette readers living in the formerly sovereign state known as the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland will have received what is described as an election communication. It is promoted by a certain Mr Will Straw on behalf of Britain Stronger in Europe (The In Campaign Limited), both at St. Bride’s House, Salisbury Square, London EC4Y 8EH. The A5 glossy card is colour printed on both sides by St. Ives, One Tudor Street, London EC4Y 0AH. It features the opinion of six individuals who suggest that economic woes will befall the country if it leaves the EU.
    The one part of this communication that the British Gazette most emphatically endorses is the statement: “Make sure you vote on Thursday 23rd June”
    We would draw the readers attention – and also to the attention of Mr Martin Lewis, Ms Frances O’Grady, Sir Richard Branson, Professor Catherine L. Warwick, Ms Karen Brady and a certain Mr Mark Carney – to a little something, a mere detail it seems so fat as these august personages are concerned – THE U.K.’s membership is ILLEGAL!

    British Gazette readers will need no reminding although, clearly the august personages above clearly do of this pertinent FACT!

    Now of course, many in the Out campaign such as a certain Mr Farage for instance, will strongly dispute the claims made by these august personages that calamity will break out should lawful government be restored in the UK.

    This organ however chooses to address these six personages directly and would suggest to British Gazette readers they may car to “cut and paste” the text of today’s article, print it off and send it with the A5 card to the return address at the top of the card being; Stronger In, Fourth Floor, Ergon House, Dean Bradley Street, London SW1P 2AL

    This organ will make it’s point by a rather obvious analogy:

    In 2013 your Editor put his house in Leeds in the West Riding of Yorkshire up for sale and, following the sale, purchased a modest two bedroom first floor flat in Cornwall. This act is quite a common thing to do and has a term coined for it, a term which most British Gazette readers are familiar with, even though they may not have done it themselves. That term is of course, “downsizing”.

    At the time there was another flat for sale in the building which contained the flat I purchased. This was a one bedroom ground floor flat and was for sale at about two thirds the price of the two bedroom first floor flat. I had considered buying this one bedroom flat in addition to the flat I had in mind for myself with the idea of letting it. A very pleasant gentleman living in a nearby village put the kibosh on this idea by being in a position to purchase said flat before me. Lawyers! They charge a lot but work very slowly! This gentleman had the same idea and let the flat. It is now occupied by a very pleasant retired couple.

    Now, just let us suppose – for the sake of argument – that I had been able to purchase both flats and decided to maximise the income from the one bedroom flat below me. Just let us suppose I decided that this investment would make a far higher return on the money I had invested were I to let the flat to a couple of “professional ladies” working as what euphemistically are known as “escorts” who would be by tenants, these ladies using the flat for what euphemistically are known as “in-calls”. In other words, set the flat up as a brothel with two prostitutes.
    There are strong arguments to commend this course of action:

    Firstly of course there is the financial argument! The flat’s present owner – a retired police officer – receives in the region of £500 PCM from his tenants. Had I have let the flat to two prostitutes, as a brothel the rental income would be £500 per week!

    Secondly, brothels are not the nuisance that many people may imagine. The women who occupy such premises are keen to keep as low a profile as possible. Not upsetting the neighbours is something very important to them. The clients of these women – known as “Johns” – are equally as keen to keep a low profile! They will generally park their cars a modest distance away, walk briskly to the brothel and leave in the same manner. Furthermore, the women will be keen to keep the noise down to a bare minimum (pardon the pun). Again, the idea will be to go unnoticed by other flat dwellers.

    Thus it could be argued that prostitutes would be ideal tenants! They pay four times as much rent and are very quiet! Unlike noisy children playing outside, the clients of these women do not shout and yell at the tops of their voices. Or kick footballs against peoples cars! Happily these irritations do not trouble us! But the reader gets the point!

    There is of course one problem with operating a brothel!

    It is ILLEGAL!
    Just like the UK’s membership of the EU!
    It would be NO POINT your Editor stating to the Crown Court judge that the brothel was extremely profitable and that the neighbours were in no way disturbed! The plain simple FACT is that operating a brothel is ILLEGAL and those caught invariability end up in prison and now face the draconian provisions of the Proceeds of Crime Act 2002! ruefully known to those in the criminal fraternity as “POCA”!

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