• Two hours, four minutes to Torbay!

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    “Twenty Four Hours from Tulsa” was the hit that made the late Gene Pitney’s career. Released in October 1963, it reached #5 in “the Hit parade” in Britain. It was a sad tale of marital infidelity, sudden overwhelming attraction and desertion. For a boy of eight these things of course went past me but my imagination held a picture of a chap, in a car somewhere in the American where the city of Tulsa was located.

    Some sights, sounds and songs stick in one’s mind and for many reasons. “Twenty Four Hours from Tulsa” was one that stuck in mine – for no particular reason.

    My reason for recalling the song’s title of the travelling time to a destination beginning with the letter “T” is because of another journey, this one made by a friend. My friend is one of the counters who has travelled to Lexdrum House in the King Charles Business Park in Newton Abbot, Devon (a journey [for them] of two hours, four minutes – according to Mr Google) to be one of the counters in UKIP’s leadership election. The one in which Gerard “Barrack Room” Batten was not allowed to stand!

    It will be of little interest to most people outside the ranks of those die-hard enthusiasts who are still members of UKIP who wins. Will it be; Richard “No” Braine, Mike “Hapless” Hookem, Ben “The Bodger” Walker (https://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/ex-councillor-ukip-candidate-fined-2476393) or Freddy “Fast-Talk” Vachha?

    Of the four, I hope “Fast-Talk” Freddy wins for this reason: Remainers and remainiacs like to imply that those who voted “Leave” are uneducated and unintelligent. There are many many descriptions that you can apply to “Fast-Talk” Freddy but “uneducated” and “unintelligent” are NOT among them!

    Of course, the one thing all four candidates have in common is an all embracing enthusiasm for a “hard Brexit” ASAP!

    Therefore, I have rewritten Burt Bacharach’s and Hal David’s lyrics from the viewpoint of a businessman trading with customers and/or suppliers in the EU:

    “Dear trading partners,
    We had to write to say that we won’t be accessible for trade anymore
    ‘Cause something happened to us while we were doing business
    And we’re not in the same position anymore
    Oh, we are only eighty three days from [a hard] Brexit
    Ah, only two months and twenty two days away
    We saw a wonderful leaflet and stopped to read it overnight
    And that is when we saw the Leave campaigner as we pulled in to the car park
    And so we walked up to them, and asked where we could get something to read
    And they gave us a leaflet.
    Oh, one thousand, two hundred and twenty five days from [a hard] Brexit
    Ah, only three years, four months and eight days away
    They took us to the café, we asked them if they would say, leaving was “OK”
    Oh, one thousand, two hundred and twenty five days from [a hard] Brexit
    Ah, only three years, four months and eight days away
    The political negotiations and the Parliamentary delays were endless as we were trading
    All of a sudden we lost control – did not take it back – as the EU held all the cards
    And we cajoled them, criticised them, and told them we’d dissolve [the company]
    Before they would allow the courts to bar us from being directors
    Oh, we are only eighty three days from [a hard] Brexit
    Ah, only two months and twenty two days away
    We hate to do this to you but we are unable to trade, what can we do?
    As we can never, never, never overcome the non tariff barriers.”

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