• Remember, remember the Fifth of November…….


    Above, a bonfire night procession in Lewes – complete with burning tar barrels!

    One of Life’s constants is the presence of the flip side. For instance, earlier this morning, it rained heavily. I was inside and looked out in quite satisfaction and the rain fell heavily on my new car parked outside in it’s parking place. You see, the rain was washing the car. Had I been looking from my office window on the other side of the flat, I would have seen the rain watering the small patch of ground that estates agents would call a “garden”. Tonight, I will experience yet another of Life’s flip sides when I will be able to retire to my bed between 11:30 and midnight and NOT be kept awake into the wee small hours by loud explosions. This because whilst bonfire night IS celebrated by some in the village where I live, they finish before 11PM.

    However, when I lived in Roundhay, Leeds in the West Riding of Yorkshire many celebrated bonfire night with extravagant fireworks displays (that cost many hundreds of pounds) along with much revelling with barbecues as well as a bonfire. This revelling would often not end until the wee small hours. When most were over by around 2AM, this did not mean an end to the disturbance. This because numerous youths generally in an advanced state of inebriation continued their revelry by lighting what we as boys used to call “bangers”. As a result it was sometimes after 4AM when the explosions stopped.

    Not that this was either the start or the end of the matter. This because fireworks were let off on the night before the 5th – Mischief Night. Often – depending on the weather – fireworks would be let of after the 5th. After a few days things returned to normal however. Then there was Christmas. In Roundhay, Leeds, Christmas is celebrated by many by throwing a fireworks party. In effect, a repeat of the revelry – and expense of the 5th November. Thus when you add up the costs of two sets of very extravagant fireworks displays, two barbecues and so forth, the cost would run into thousands!

    The flip side (of the lack of sleep) was of course that I was treated to numerous very expensive and extravagant fireworks displays Free of Charge. All I had to do was to walk around the streets near my family home.

    All of which brings us to Tuesday 5th November 2019.

    Tomorrow will mark the dissolution of the 57th Parliament of the UK. Between 1707 and 1796 there were 18 Parliaments of Great Britain and 309 Parliaments of England (including the Commonwealth), making a total of 384.

    It can truly be said that the 58th Parliament of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland along with the 45th Parliament of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland will be historic – this because the new parliament will effectively decide whether the UK will proceed to become again an independent nation state or instead decide to remain a member of the European Union. It will be doubly so for IF the UK proceeds down the path of independence it is fairly clear that Scotland will ceded from the union. Should that happen, there are Welsh politicians who are now saying that such a scenario will mean that the union of England and Wales will be thrown open to question, we could see an independent Kingdom of England emerge after the long wait since 1707 – with Wales and Scotland adopting membership of the European Union. Should this happen the likelihood would be that one of the first actions of an English government would be to throw the Unionists of Northern Ireland under the proverbial bus by arranging to have the province made part of the Irish Republic.

    The practical outcome of this would likely be that the Kingdom of England would emerge – after a lengthy (a decade?) period of purgatory (aka the transition period, or as Madame Mayhem oft referred to it as the implementation period”) as a member of the EEA (having rejoined EFTA) and also a member of A (not “the”) customs union with the EU. This will mean that the Kingdom of England will have it’s own foreign and defence policy, it’s fishing grounds and it’s own currency but will effectively have surrendered everything else!

    This of course is what The Famous Farage would call BRINO!

    Would he be wrong?

    What Famous will be correct to point out is that the level of heated debate is in direct proportion to the momentous nature of the issues being argued about. There have been heated issues in the past, most prominent of which are the long dead issues that are regularly referred to by the bonfire night societies of Sussex.

    A familiar rhyme is of course:

    Remember, remember, the Fifth of November
    Gunpowder treason and plot
    I see no reason why gunpowder treason
    Should ever be forgot

    What follows is not however familiar and is indeed something that will cause such as Long March Bailey, Sidekick Swinson and Ludicrous Lucas all to have fits of the vapours!


    Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, ’twas his intent
    To blow up the King and the Parliament
    Three score barrels of powder below
    Poor old England to overthrow
    By God’s providence he was catch’d
    With a dark lantern and burning match
    Holler boys, holler boys, let the bells ring
    Holler boys, holler boys, God save the King!

    It gets worse!

    A penny loaf to feed the Pope
    A farthing o’ cheese to choke him
    A pint of beer to rinse it down
    A faggot of sticks to burn him
    Burn him in a tub of tar
    Burn him like a blazing star
    Burn his body from his head
    Then we’ll say ol’ Pope is dead.
    Hip hip hoorah!
    Hip hip hoorah!
    Hip hip hoorah!

    Doubtless, one of the pesky Lib-Dem and Extinction Rebellion supporters living locally will so incensed and outrages by reading this they will report Moi to Devon & Cornwall Police for committing a hate crime or worse, inciting persons unknown to murder the Pope!
    Something I emphatically deny!
    Therefore I expect a knock on my door!

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